You've heard of, maybe experienced, The Freshman Fifteen.

Here, at The Scooter Store, we used to have a little thing called The Scooter Store Fifteen, what with all of our Friday Potlucks and parties and celebrations and baby showers. Now, it has ballooned to a Scooter Twenty, because we're all so happy. In my experience, my first year here, I got married. I gained a Scooter Thirty. I'm not kidding. I'm finally back in my college jeans. I talked to a lady just now who gained a Scooter Fifty. It's gotta be the potlucks.

We need an on-site gym and dietician.